I'm still breathing.
Sorry to my avid reader base (both of you) for my lack of posting recently.
Also Apologies for the following post. I'm generally not thrilled with crap atm so I'm not shiny and happy.
Basically I've just been bloody exhausted. Between running around doing family stuff. Seeing doctors. Chasing down leaders of online guilds in real life to sit down and go "Wtf just happened and can we fix it?" over dinner. And now going back to work 2 days a week (Wednesday and Thursday). I just haven't been able to get some time to rest and recuperate. My shrink (yeah they got me seeing one now) says I'm stressed. I say "No Shit Sherlock."
Oh did I mention the psychonannys now tell me that I am likely to be permanently fixed at my current level of mental recovery. i.e. I am almost as "smart" as I ever was. My ability to concentrate for a decent span may never improve. And my processing speed is now about 1/3 to 1/4 what it was. This means that I'll probably reach the same goal/conclusion as I always did provided I can keep my mind on the topic long enough to get there. But it'll take me 2-4 seconds where it used to take me 1. Thus my reaction speed is up the creek and what would normally be almost a knee-jerk reaction is now going to probably come in 2-3 seconds to late.
Fun huh.
Not to mention I'm back in a self-destructive relationship with an exgirlfriend, turned friend, turned semi-girlfriend turned .. I don't now what.
Did I mention she's married? Yeah I'm the "other guy". I feel like crap about that but at the same time have been totally unable to break it off and stick to it. Doesn't say much for me does it.
That aside I got to see my mother and some other family the weekend just gone. Always a good thing. But it brings up the comign stress.
CHRISTMAS!!!!
Is there a more stressfull time? First you got to decide what your doing. What family your spending it with, if any. Then you have to remember who you should or shouldn't get presents for. What they like, what is probably going to be "belittling" and who you can tell to go take a flying leap. Then you need to get presents/cards etc.
Ok now your broke. . . . . . . Welcome to christmas.
But wait, there's more.
Now for our limited as many as you want offer you can also try to figure out how to get wherever your going for christmas navigating the horrors of holiday transport. When you can come back. What's an "Acceptable" stay time. And how your going to work this into everything else your doing.
Is it any wonder we all just want to get pissed and pass out by the time New Years wonders around???
To top it all off half the time you need to come up with your own present idea to tell some folks. In which case you need a) something you'll use/like and b) to figure out what THEIR budget is without seeming to greedy, or else picking something so cheap they'll feel obliged to buy you something else anyway .. which you'll probably never use.
I love the holidays. *frown*.
Sad thing is I really do. Because despite all I just wrote above Christmas is also a time to catchup with family. Renew ties that often fray over time and you never really want to vanish as they are an integral part of who you are, were you came from and (scarily) sometimes where your going. Like em, hate em, they're family and either way you probably still love em.
So Incase I don't get another post in before Christmas Here's wishing you all a happy/bittersweet/annoying/stressfull/blissfull christmas. And a catatonic New Years.
-Me.
Also Apologies for the following post. I'm generally not thrilled with crap atm so I'm not shiny and happy.
Basically I've just been bloody exhausted. Between running around doing family stuff. Seeing doctors. Chasing down leaders of online guilds in real life to sit down and go "Wtf just happened and can we fix it?" over dinner. And now going back to work 2 days a week (Wednesday and Thursday). I just haven't been able to get some time to rest and recuperate. My shrink (yeah they got me seeing one now) says I'm stressed. I say "No Shit Sherlock."
Oh did I mention the psychonannys now tell me that I am likely to be permanently fixed at my current level of mental recovery. i.e. I am almost as "smart" as I ever was. My ability to concentrate for a decent span may never improve. And my processing speed is now about 1/3 to 1/4 what it was. This means that I'll probably reach the same goal/conclusion as I always did provided I can keep my mind on the topic long enough to get there. But it'll take me 2-4 seconds where it used to take me 1. Thus my reaction speed is up the creek and what would normally be almost a knee-jerk reaction is now going to probably come in 2-3 seconds to late.
Fun huh.
Not to mention I'm back in a self-destructive relationship with an exgirlfriend, turned friend, turned semi-girlfriend turned .. I don't now what.
Did I mention she's married? Yeah I'm the "other guy". I feel like crap about that but at the same time have been totally unable to break it off and stick to it. Doesn't say much for me does it.
That aside I got to see my mother and some other family the weekend just gone. Always a good thing. But it brings up the comign stress.
CHRISTMAS!!!!
Is there a more stressfull time? First you got to decide what your doing. What family your spending it with, if any. Then you have to remember who you should or shouldn't get presents for. What they like, what is probably going to be "belittling" and who you can tell to go take a flying leap. Then you need to get presents/cards etc.
Ok now your broke. . . . . . . Welcome to christmas.
But wait, there's more.
Now for our limited as many as you want offer you can also try to figure out how to get wherever your going for christmas navigating the horrors of holiday transport. When you can come back. What's an "Acceptable" stay time. And how your going to work this into everything else your doing.
Is it any wonder we all just want to get pissed and pass out by the time New Years wonders around???
To top it all off half the time you need to come up with your own present idea to tell some folks. In which case you need a) something you'll use/like and b) to figure out what THEIR budget is without seeming to greedy, or else picking something so cheap they'll feel obliged to buy you something else anyway .. which you'll probably never use.
I love the holidays. *frown*.
Sad thing is I really do. Because despite all I just wrote above Christmas is also a time to catchup with family. Renew ties that often fray over time and you never really want to vanish as they are an integral part of who you are, were you came from and (scarily) sometimes where your going. Like em, hate em, they're family and either way you probably still love em.
So Incase I don't get another post in before Christmas Here's wishing you all a happy/bittersweet/annoying/stressfull/blissfull christmas. And a catatonic New Years.
-Me.
posted by Adept at 10:27 pm
3 Comments:
Shrinks have a way of making people feel inadequate in order to insure that you will continue to visit them and keep them well paid. I often feel that mind healing is very much effected by the way you face each situation and the choices made. If you head off in a negative manner you will be defeated before you even start. The problem is, psychiatrists and such are usually fairly negative people. Always saying what is wrong and rarely pushing their client to see what is right in their lives.
Trust yourself and start believing that you really can see things like you used to and attempt to regain the self confidence required to make it happen. It is not impossible to overcome injuries to the brain, people with strokes and similar do it all the time, it just takes time and effort.
Stress is part of the lives of most people, it's all in how you choose to handle it that makes the difference in how much it cripples your life.
Considering my past I will reserve the right to NOT comment on your present girlfriend situation. I will say that self destruction is Never a good thing and leave it at that.
CHRISTMAS is one stress filled nightmare after another for 99% of the people that celebrate it. The other 1% are too high or drunk to notice. Every child stresses over Santa for as long as they believe - my middle child still believes and that adds stress to me in trying to see that at least one of the things she asks Santa for shows up from him each year. She is the 20yr old autistic. I also have the holiday travel problems, mostly to pick up Sierre at college and see that she is home for the holidays after her final exams end and make sure she gets back there before the new semester starts in January.
The shining factor for me is the fact my fiance will be in town for 3 weeks during the holidays to help keep me sane.
A simple enough way to deal with Christmas lists at least the way I handle anyone asking me, is by listing WoW gamecards, favorite restaurant gift cards, bookstore or video store gift cards, you get the general idea. In that way they can spend what they feel comfortable with and you also get something you can and will use. Oddly enough people do not act like I am asking for money, because they know the card will be used for an item when I see one I want, or to take me and the girls out for dinner on a time I couldn't normally afford to go.
By this point in your life the people in your life that feel the need to give you a gift should realize that it is highly likely you have enough clothing, and a fully furnished apartment and really don't need another gadget taking up space.
More and more people are becoming a bit more sensible about gift giving, they want the items they give people to count.
BTW the proper amount of time to stay is just long enough that you don't get on their nerves and they do not get on yours. That is something you need to judge for yourself over time.
Enjoy your holidays even with the stress.
Actually this guys a neuro-psychologist paid for by the government on a flat rate. He doesn't care if I keep going or not he gets paid either way.
Oh forgot to mention. There's still ways of planning and doing things that will make stuff easier. Just my flat "go to woe" processing speed at this point has probably been "rewired" about as much as it's going to be. Doesn't mean I'm giving up though. *grin*
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